thus far at Red Fish Lake Lodge...

I had tried before to upload my blog but the internet being lame and a busy schedule had kept me pretty dang busy.
Working at Red Fish for the summer is great. Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I had stayed in Rexburg… and I never come up with anything that great nor do I ever find a scenario where I think of such a great experience as this has been.
I mostly work housekeeping I jump around and do my part in other departments ( dish washing, server assistant, wedding stuff, or just whatever.)
Life here is pretty simple. My most lingering questions typically are who I want to partner up with for the day and what we are having for lunch and dinner. Every day I wake up I get to see the beautiful Sawtooth mts. I love all that this place has to offer. Some days I’ll go enjoy kayaking or the amazing hikes. Other days I feel like going river rafting or horseback riding. Sometimes I go on road trips to Sun Valley or Boise.
Summers in Idaho are great because they have basically zero humidity and hardly any rain to stop my plans.
I guess there is one big question that I just push away. I’m going to be here till October. What am I going to do after this? I’ll have 2 and a 1/2 months to kill before school starts. I feel like a lot of the times I act impulsively and just do whatever. I could possibly go home, live with mi amiga Cassie in Washington, live in Boise, live in Idaho Falls, or … work at a ski resort . Yeah I have no clue but I’ve got some time.

I often find virtue being tried and tested here. The most difficult task for me is finding the balance of being how I should be, befriending all types of people, and not offending others.For Example: drinking. It use to be pretty easy because only in the past year or so do people look at me and think I could possibly even be old enough to drink. Now that I am 21 turning 22 this year... the age reason doesn't work. Altough it is true that it is not in harmony with the word of wisdom in my church.. not drining really is a personal choice. I've never seen a greast exampel of drinking in my life. It has also caused a lot of heart ache in my life as well. If it be a boyfriend who drank, or people I care about putting themselves in danger, or all that stuff...
The real questions are: Who am I? What do I stand for because of who I am? Annnd what good or bad do I do when when I feel like no one around is there watching me? I spent most of my teenage years defining myself with nothing. All that mattered was having someone to be shadowed in. I spent a lot of time not jumping into college. I had to know what I wanted. I had to spend time just by myself getting to know people, traveling, and deciding the things I would and would not do in my life. I have come to love the LDS church and do my best to respect all other people of beliefs or lack of beliefs. I do my best to be kind and do what I feel is right. Although people can be difficult I make it a goal to love everyone and if they are jerks I find one amazing thing about them and let it grow to respect for them and typically loving them. I love music, road trips, animals of all shapes and sizes, learning about people, my church, learning in general, my family, my friends, and the ability to create if it be with art, music, or doing service for others. I feel that I stand for what I feel is ‘good’. I do at times dwell in places I typically would not feel comfortable in, however, sometimes you have to be in the world and not hidden … if that makes any sense. When I think no one is watching I’m pretty much the same if not a little better. I am at times pretty impressionable, so I will loosen some slack to makes spending times with others easier while still keeping to my standards. When I’m alone I try to be honest and just the way I think I should be if people are watching. Sometimes I think thoughts I shouldn’t and pretty much beat myself up for it and switch it around to something better.
One night I was trying to fall asleep and made a life plan it went something like this :
Back to school in January of 2011-> Mission papers in by April 2011-> serve a full time mission and get back in December of 2012-> obtain a degree in art education and agriculture (the ag one may change) in April of 2015-> (while in school become dog training certified) do student teaching-> join the peace corps and use my agriculture degree to help people become self-sufficient with agriculture (be in peace corps for 2 years)-> come home from peace corps in 2017-> move back to Texas, Washington State, or somewhere close to the mountains and teach art.-> get a dog ( preferably a cardigan welsh corgi->go to graduate school-> teach at the university level-> get married 2020-> have 3 kids-> Name one after mt doggie->live, teach, and be happy til I die -the end. Yeah. I like it. As I wrote it down I realized that these were things I have wanted to do for a long time… So this is really what I want…please let my find a way.
I just wonder how I’m going to adjust going back to school. All the freedom and fun stuff to do will be greatly missed. I hate wearing jeans now I really only feel comfortable in running shorts. No homework, no classes, no extremely straight edged people ruining your fun, no pressure to date or get married, ample amounts of sun and soft serve ice cream. Oh Red Fish I love you!