The Holidays in Blue Ridge, TX

A couple of weeks ago would be when the holidays all began...

It started with the sip from a drinking fountain at church and ever since then I have been sick... well okay I'm on the up swing now...but still.

Since a couple of weeks ago it hit me that Christmas was coming.

The dogs at work starting checking in large numbers. The gift list grew. Shifts at work I would never want...became mine. The pets hotel manager and store manager were fired. I've been having issues with my financial aid for school...I'm still not completely certain how that's going to work out. I still haven't got my contract for my apartment for school. problems with Social Security office... but I'm not disabled?... that is correct....family issues...who doesn't have those! So many things getting into the way of going back to school, preparing and teaching my Sunday school class, and going to work. My problems are not even that big. Yet I'm well... having a hard time.

There were a LOT of dogs and cats at work (156). I work over night. I worked Christmas Eve 6pm-6am and again Christmas night 9pm-6am...and Satuurday night 9pm-6am. As much as I want to go to sleep typically when I work over night on Saturdays...I cannot. If I fell alseep I'd miss church and teaching my class with Carmen.

Christmas morning was great though! Carmen's family and I gathered around and opened our presents. Everyone was happy and I got some stuff I wanted. I didn't really know what I wanted this year.... but people AND SANTA guessed right :). a label maker, 4 packs of Monster energy drinks, a utility knife, meteos for my DSi...just to name a few. Everyone liked/has liked so far the gifts I have given them!

I get discouraged easily. With the way my life is here back in Texas it really makes me dread goig back to Idaho. I really want to attend a university... I got in to this one. With luck I may be able to/have the means to transfer to some place else.




me and the Taylors! ^^^

Carmen's mom is graet at decorating!!! ^

Holiday pups ^
My mommy and I out on the town getting haircuts ^

Part of my primary class

21

yep. I'm 21.

sketch book & some old photos

I messed up the html settings for the update...and don't know how to fix it... Oh well.











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I've been really busy with work. I haven't had a lot of time for art really.
I have also been really busy getting my stuff in line to start school by next year.

At church and with my family they've been talking to me a lot about everything I need to do and accomplish. To think about it all... it's really stressful. I've decided that my life time-table isn't the same as the norm. The church places a lot of importance on the family, helping your family, staying close with your family, creating your own family as well... Me? That is really funny.
I really want to finish school, serve a full time mission, serve with the peace corps helping people learn about being self sufficient with the use of agriculture or helping others in the community out reach programs, I'd like to learn to play a new instrument.
Really all of those things above could be done at any time in my life. The possibility gets smaller and smaller as the years go by. I'd like to say I'll stick to those things... but I most probably won't.

It seems like lots of people have so many dreams... and in time they get compromised because they're afraid of being alone, they doubt themselves, or they become disappointed and give up.

One of my friends once said ' live with low expectations and you'll be surprised with your outcomes'

Not to sound cynical but... I think it actually pretty good advice. When you're a quiet and avoid conflict a lot you get stepped on a lot. I think the best I can do is just be happy, kind, work hard, and keep in mind in general what I want to do with my life. When I just keep my expectations to the minimum, I get plesantly suprised more often (:

Halloweeeen 2009

Me and Alex after the party^

I went with Alex and these kids went with us to. They're from McKinney... I hardly remember them. I guess that is how it goes.

Heather, the little Devil!

Ethan, Bri, Carmen, and Heather while Jared fails at scaring them.

Carmie the Zombie

Larry Taylor one of the best men you'll ever meet.

Carmen and her nephew Ethan

Me and Carmen with our pumpkins

A really awesome house!
I didn't wake up til about 4pm on halloween because of the shift I worked the night before.
When I got up we carved pumpkins. Every one made their own designs. After wasting a lot of time trying to decide I made a rooster. Afterwords, got ready to go trick or treating.

Carmen's mom, Carmen, Jared (Carmen's brother) and his family, and I all went out to Carmen's old neighborhood and went with them to houses.
Eventually Carmen had to go off to work, and I met up with my friend who I've known since middle school. Alex Tromanovich was the monopoly guy.
I got my costume the morning before from walmart. The 'tatterd witch costume'. I felt like the dress was really short of I added black tights and biker shorts. I was going to wear nicer shoes but my tennis shoes were way more comfortable...and because it was cold outside I wore a cape. From living in Idaho I've bcome very use to being more coverd up...and so I felt exposed...which of course I was a pretty conservative lady compaired to what I saw for the night.
The shirt I borrowed after we got back to Alex's house was longer than my witchy dress. I can't fully understand why all the girl costumes were so slutty.
We went to some party that consisted of seniors from mckinny high and mckinney north until about the class of 06.
As you may know how those things go... I didn't really feel I could take any good pictures that I would want to post online. Of course I don't drink either so I was just hanging back watching people act ... well not differently than they normally would. It was still neat to see everyone. Later on we stopped to get some taco bell and I stayed at Alex's with friends til Carmen got off work at 6am.
I went up to the petsmart that we both work at. I 'got' to show some people my costume.
My night was actually more eventful than this...but I guess that is all I feel like sharing.

I also recently visisted my nephew, my brother Zeniff, and his wife Tiffany to celebrate. It was my nephew Skyler's birthday.

it's err 4:36 am right now...

I finished watching a movie. While Carmen my best friend sleeps in my bed. In light of recent events we've made room to help her step brother. So now Carmen and I share a room.
I can not begin to explain all of the craziness that has been going on in my life. I would have to say that I am a very blessed girl though. This is most certainly true.

I've learned so much about not telling people everything. It was proven time and time again. Speaking your mind and expressing your opinion... not a good idea except for a select few. I believe most people would be surprised with everything that was going on, but people always react negatively. Which is why as of now I stick with my new way of not saying much unless it is extremely necessary. A little while back I was trying to explain something to my friend. They of course blew it out of... proportion because they always feel they are right. It's strange because I don't think about a lot of different subjects and yet I really think alot. So when a mini thought pops out into verbal form to someone they typically don't seem to get my point.

I also noticed that when I make an effort (even a small one), it can really make a difference. I really like to see how people view me differently now. I'll always love those few people that could see me for who I felt I really was and didn't make life so difficult. People see me as more positive and uplifting. I've made a lot of changes and made up my mind how I want to be and what I plan on doing with my life. I've been making amends and doing my best to be positive and helpful. Dropping the people that I don't really need who disappoint me and the ones who really kind of used me to not feel alone all the while still being considerate and kind...if that makes any sense. Right now between the people I make time to see here, balancing time with my family, the Taylors, and work (not to mention sleeping in preparation for work)I like the ways things are going. I'm amazed to see what a difference all the hings I have been doing makes. I haven't felt like this in well about a year and a half. I'm glad to know I can feel that way on my own.

So part of being kind is keeping your mouth shut and now one can completely love everything about their habbitat... I'd like to vent some of those little things I wish would go away. I always try to remember the other side of things too.

*MUD_ Texas winter in this part means lots of cold rain and LOTS of mud. You know what's worse than watery cold mud? Add the fact that the home I'm living in has animals... LOTs of animals. If I have to explain anymore... then too bad. Bottom line getting anything done with lots of mud is difficult. Other issues with mud _ dogs with muddy paws jumping on you to say hello, 12 or more muddy dogs all jumping trying to get attention from you, changing clothes more than I should, over watered plants...etc.
*On the other hand_ I really Love walking in the mud with out shoes on ( in a safe area)

*Sharing a bed_ Ha I love my best friend more than most things on this earth. I use to crash in her room, the bed in her room was a king sized bed plenty of room for both of us and Milo (the dog). Like I believe I mentioned we share a room which I really enjoy. Now we share a queen sized bed. Carmen often has a rolling around problem. I often wake up with one of two of the three pillows she alternates with kicked into my foot space. Some times I wake up feeling really warm and it is because she's fallen a sleep further into my side of the bed which gives me no space. When I try to wake her up it is typically a fail. Another thing ( I actually find this part really entertaining) she talks in her sleep. It usually makes no sense at all. Some times it freaks the heck out of me, typically I just muffle a hysterical laugh so I don't make her wake up.
* On the other hand I like staying up late and talking, with my peeps.

*People who ask a question and don't care what the response is_ you know when some one asks you if you would do them a favor but they're already handing you the whatever if is they needed you to do for them.
*ON the other hand_ you could take it as a compliment that people just assume you'll do what ever is they ask of you. It is true though I find it difficult to turn down helping someone.


*People who interrupt me when ever I speak_ I mean honestly you ask me a question and want an answer...and yet you interrupt me or butt in with your opinion and I typically don't get to finish or I've lost my point by the time I get to spill it out. Do you actually want to talk to me_ or are you just bored, lonely, talking just because you feel you have to, or like to feel superior when you ask a question just in order to prove your point?
*On the other hand_ I Love staying connected with people, they just really want to say everything they had on their mind.

*Kids in primary who brings their bags of toys_ Okay I get that kids can't sit still for all of sacrament meeting. Must you leave them with a million different things they can be distracted with during the rest of the two hours when people in primary, and Sunday school try really hard to make fun and interesting lessons for them? Not that I don't love the little kiddos, I do, even the ones that are completely and down right being rude... sometimes when I try really hard they are sweet for a moment it's totally worth it. If you were wondering if they can handle having their bag of goodies with them in class ... they can't. Despite that whole thing.
*ON the other hand_ The kids are adorable and I love getting to spend time with them. I know parents are busy and can't think of everything.

*Those people that steal your lime light_ I use to be really closed off with the art I make. With in the past two or three years I've been sharing it more. You know what's a really rude thing to say? Oh yeah it's nice... did you know my cousin makes paintings and she sells them and she's is amazing. Nice painting btw. Or like when you're trying on clothes with a friend at some store and they're talking to you and they're like oh I'm just so darn fat. Well I weight the same as you but I'm like five inches shorter... so I'm discusting then? That same scenario mentioned before but the girl says oh I love you hair, I have this friend and she's has hair like yours and she is just the most beautiful girl ever. Not that I'm the jealous type but you basically just told me I'm less than her. With the way today is I don't want to be reminded of being inferior. Girls who are super over weight and make fun of the fact that you have smaller boobs... well maybe if I put on some more weight mine can be bigger too. Oh geeze I can only hope. When some one's mommy is sharing a story about their kid who use to do Barney shows and then another mommy has to basically cutt in and say how their kid is doing modeling and how they could do t.v. but they don't want their kiddo to be stressed out. Really? I know a cardinal rule is to not mess with or in front of the parent make it obvious you are in any way putting down their child. Bad idea bad idea.
*On the other hand_ people love to feel special and some times it's like this dominance issue. Give everyone a time to shine please!

*People who yell to make their point/ drama queens/drama kings_ When you yell it just makes people angry. Anger makes no one want to listen to you for the most part. Typically when you're yelling you say things you don't actually mean and you just hurt people... or you just just ridiculous things that could be solved if you were calm and quiet.
*On the other hand_ some people just are different. They can't control their emotions as well or they only feel heard if they are loud about it. Or some times they just really want some attention. Just be calm and listen. It will make them feel better I promise.I understand talking typically can't fix a lot of situations... people are stubborn. I've learned the best way to react is to be quiet and say your sorry even if it's not your fault and they're complaining about is not a big deal. Eventually I get my chance to explain and I can some what resolve it. If not ... then that person will always think what the want and it really wouldn't matter what you said.

*The ideal 'it will work out' and that is all the thought they put into it_ If you just say it will work out... I guess that could be true in the long run. I feel like it all just depends on how long you want to prolong your path until it is going right. SO many people are like well I'm going to do this now because I'm not ready to grow up ooor oh I'm going to do this because I like it and I know I'll be taken care of. Some times you have to pause and think, is this actually getting me closer to what I know I want and what makes me feel honestly good and happy about myself? I'm getting to the point where I could just blow off college and never go back. I know this is one of the steps that will help me get to all those other goals I really want. It is so tempting to just drop eerything blow all my goals off and just make enough to live. That's not what would make me happy in the end. AS much as I don't like the added stress of school it is one of the many things that kinda pull at me and I can't deny it, it's right and I'm going to torture myself to get through it if I have to.
*On the other hand _ people are people and you some times being compulsive is how one's mind is made up. A person is always going to live their life the way they want. Deal with it.

I guess that may make me seem negative. I need to vent a little. Now I feel better. I would have to say that being positive and more happy puts a twist on everything.

So I work Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Over night and I can't shrug of my other responsibilities. Hectic weekend, uhhh yes. No biggy though.

I really want to work on an art piece tomorrow ( later today). Maybe I will.

Oh it 6:11 am now. I got distracted a lot by text messages.
Hopefully this makes sense. If you don't agree... Deal with it :0).

what I do with my spare time...

When I'm not off sleeping, eating, taking care of cute animals, or spending time with the loves of my life....

I make pixel art.
My friend Carmen likes dragcave.net and I got an account. The eggs, hatchlings, and dragons ( dinosaurs and chickens) are made from tiny pixels. Each individual tiny square adds color and value to the entire piece.




The end result^
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I've just done a few ones. I started out working with eggs because the shading is easier to figure out on them and I'm trying to branch out with other little pieces.
this is the page I use to work on stuff

Here's some of the art.